What do you do for a living? or: "Your money of your life."

First, sorry for the delay.
I tend to spread myself out too thin at times.

The past few months, I've been focusing energies again into adapting myself into your world. Unsuccesssfully, I might add.
Sending out resumes, interviewing, reading rejection letter after rejection letter. It was enough to deflate me a bit.
I've totally giving up on trying to acclimate myself to your world. One day I'll have a real job; for now, I'll stop trying so hard.

For me, it's odd to be stressed by this kind of rejection, because i seriously don't want to become a part of the job market. Ever since my foray into the retail world that devoured most of my 20s, I've never wanted to be one of those people defined by what I do for a living.

In fact, I still hate that question. At first, in my youth, I hated it because I used to view what i did as a petty and unimportant. Mostly because I was still thinking of myself with a lot of pride. I viewed myself through the googles of my young self, when i had ambition-tinted lenses. The Peter Patrelli years of my life, I guess I could refer to them now. (snickers). Can you believe that during my high school years I aspired to become a U.S. Senator? I got to thinking about the former gameplan recently, and it makes me smile. Not with any tinge of regret or woe, but simply because it amuses me to how simple I thought everything was going to be. Thinking of one's life as a series of upcoming dominoes is so comforting so how. If you were to talk to me towards the end of high school, I'd have told you my timeline until the turn of the century (back when the year 2000 seemed so far from 1993-94, lol). I was going to go to the Universty of Texas at Austin to study pre-law, and graduate with flying colors in 1998. Then I was to marry my high school sweetheart, even though she wasn't to finish UT until the following year. Then I'd go to law school, ride my talents to a successful law career and then start ascending the political ladder. By my old calculations, I'd have had both children (a boy and a girl by now (because one can always just order the set, huh? lol) and be approaching my ten-year anniversary. God that's amusing to me now. it may have been naive and wishful thinking, but things (needless to say) didn't unfold that way... and I couldn't be happier.

More recently, I hated the "what do you do for a living" question because I hate explaining myself. It's more laziness-driven than shame-driven. lol
Despite all my frustrations career-wise, I am completely comfortable with who I am. I've been blessed that I've resisted the temptations of fear and insecurity, and that I am personally and spiritually who I never thought I could be. My only distress I ever encounter is external. Inside I'm serene. It's cool and smooth as glass.

Yeah, money may be an infrequent acquaintance, but I don't think of my happiness in terms of numbers and labels anymore. 401ks, nesteggs, and all that ilk are foreign to me. Long ago, I let go of a world I felt was too integrated with applying social expectations upon individuals. I embraced it over the past few years, and over the past few weeks I've refreshed myself with the comforts of my choices. You know, everytime I find myself down, I look at who I really am and feel nothing but gratitude for the file that this world would categorize me as...

I am Undefined.