First, sorry for the delay.
I tend to spread myself out too thin at times.
The past few months, I've been focusing energies again into adapting myself into your world. Unsuccesssfully, I might add.
Sending out resumes, interviewing, reading rejection letter after rejection letter. It was enough to deflate me a bit.
I've totally giving up on trying to acclimate myself to your world. One day I'll have a real job; for now, I'll stop trying so hard.
For me, it's odd to be stressed by this kind of rejection, because i seriously don't want to become a part of the job market. Ever since my foray into the retail world that devoured most of my 20s, I've never wanted to be one of those people defined by what I do for a living.
In fact, I still hate that question. At first, in my youth, I hated it because I used to view what i did as a petty and unimportant. Mostly because I was still thinking of myself with a lot of pride. I viewed myself through the googles of my young self, when i had ambition-tinted lenses. The Peter Patrelli years of my life, I guess I could refer to them now. (snickers). Can you believe that during my high school years I aspired to become a U.S. Senator? I got to thinking about the former gameplan recently, and it makes me smile. Not with any tinge of regret or woe, but simply because it amuses me to how simple I thought everything was going to be. Thinking of one's life as a series of upcoming dominoes is so comforting so how. If you were to talk to me towards the end of high school, I'd have told you my timeline until the turn of the century (back when the year 2000 seemed so far from 1993-94, lol). I was going to go to the Universty of Texas at Austin to study pre-law, and graduate with flying colors in 1998. Then I was to marry my high school sweetheart, even though she wasn't to finish UT until the following year. Then I'd go to law school, ride my talents to a successful law career and then start ascending the political ladder. By my old calculations, I'd have had both children (a boy and a girl by now (because one can always just order the set, huh? lol) and be approaching my ten-year anniversary. God that's amusing to me now. it may have been naive and wishful thinking, but things (needless to say) didn't unfold that way... and I couldn't be happier.
More recently, I hated the "what do you do for a living" question because I hate explaining myself. It's more laziness-driven than shame-driven. lol
Despite all my frustrations career-wise, I am completely comfortable with who I am. I've been blessed that I've resisted the temptations of fear and insecurity, and that I am personally and spiritually who I never thought I could be. My only distress I ever encounter is external. Inside I'm serene. It's cool and smooth as glass.
Yeah, money may be an infrequent acquaintance, but I don't think of my happiness in terms of numbers and labels anymore. 401ks, nesteggs, and all that ilk are foreign to me. Long ago, I let go of a world I felt was too integrated with applying social expectations upon individuals. I embraced it over the past few years, and over the past few weeks I've refreshed myself with the comforts of my choices. You know, everytime I find myself down, I look at who I really am and feel nothing but gratitude for the file that this world would categorize me as...
I am Undefined.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Suddenly I See... Why The Hell You Mean So Much To Me.
This may seem heavy, but I promise to use pop culture references, wry humor, and made-up words to try and make things more palpable. I’ll put lots of frosting on the cake. And crunchies. Mmmmm. Love me some crunchies. Like the kind on those Little Debbie’s Christmas Cakes.
Damn shame they're only available at Christmas time.
Anyways! How quickly I digress.
Perhaps it's my own selective vision, but I detect a tone from a lot of my friends (and non-friends who happen to be my proximate age). There seems to be numerous crises of faith in many lives. Actually, I know this goes on all the times in the lives of those I don't know exist, but what I mean to say is that i recognize a trend in the lives of those I do interact with in some way.
Many of my peers and friends are now beginning to hit the stride of adulthood. Needless to say, it's not what we envisioned. It also appears that to many, traditional religion just isn't cutting it for us anymore. The standards we likely had indoctrinated into us at an early age have just become... empty. Everywhere you look, religious groups are increasing just trying to hold the center together while the edges fray under the winds of change. They exclude more than they embrace. And for those of us who choose to grow alongside a dynamic society, religion has become a vestigial appendenge, like the monkey tail our ancestors shed millenia ago.
If you're from the Creationist camp, I probably just lost you right there. In fact, some of my remaining readers may be having reservations... if they're still reading. Take my hand and hear me out. Yes, these are my own musings, but perhaps there may be a tiny kernel that is rewarding in this rant of mine. Kinda like when you happen upon an unshelled sunflower seed in a bag of David's. Tiny things like that make my day. How bout you? Wha? No? Oh, okay then. Back to the task at hand.
Religion is not the answer.
Before you jump down my throat and call me a heathen unworthy of my new ordained reverend status, allow me to explain I do think religion has merit. I'm not one of those from the "opiate of the people" camp. I gave up my communist tendencies a while back, but long after I gave up my capitalist ones. (wink)
There is a bit of a paradox in being an agnostic minister, I know.
Don't confuse agnostic with atheist. That's a common mistake I made long ago also.
"Belief in spirits almost always includes a belief that the spiritual realm and the physical realm will, on occasion, interact with each other. Agnosticism is a faith system which actively seeks this interaction. A person who looks for evidence of the interaction is an agnostic; if the evidence is convincing, then presumably the agnostic would change belief system to whichever religion exposed the interaction between realms. If the evidence is not convincing, then the agnostic would remain agnostic. Note that an agnostic is not an atheist, but that an agnostic might convert to atheism in the same way that conversion to any other religion is possible: the agnostic would need to find convincing evidence supporting the adoption of that faith system."
Now where I differ is... while I seek bindings between all facets of life, I'm perfectly happy marking myself as "unaffiliated." I do believe in the miracle of God, but instead of looking up to pearly gates I look for the miracle inside each and every one of us. We all possess the potential for limitless love and hate. It's never a black and white world. But placing our lives and societies in the context of a black and white world is not only easier for most to comprehend, but it's an easier (i.e.- lazier) method of influencing others to see things from our own point of view.
That being said. I'd like to point out that Secularism is not the answer either.
Obviously. Exhibit A is everywhere from VH-1 to E! to CNN now.
But you see, life isn't limited into these two camps.
Seeing things in terms of two absolutes is the surest way to lose yourself. No one can ever exist entirely in one dominion or the other. Perhaps we need to seek truth between the two camps.
Everyone knows that the dots you see in the intersections are mind tricks. When you focus on one, the other dots get more pronounced. Is it possible for us to never see the dots? To only see the black and white with no illusion of an in between?
No. We are incapable of seeing just the absolutes. There is more to be perceived. More to view... more to accept... more too embrace. It may be undefined, but it's there if we believe it.
While that illusion helps to explain the fallacies of seeking defined limits, it also serve to illustrate that life exists in the spaces between black and white.
The path to salvation and fulfillment doesn't have to have a particular sign on it. You can be Christian, Muslim, Hebrew, Buddhist, Pagan, Sikh, Atheist, Confucianist, or anything that makes you comfortable. But don't mistake your path for the path of others. Your own religious label is the robe you may wear, but you will always be you underneath.
Maybe organized religion are the training wheels to help people begin to think and believe in things other than the self. I always felt that when “born-againers” and others of their ilk proclaim to have “found God,” they really are just discovering the rest of the world. Altruism can be life-changing, but we should always be more willing to think outside ourselves. And to stop placing trust in "quick-fixes" when we should be recognizing the strengths and potential within.
Every deploarbale action has an equally reprehensible behavior in the "opposing camp."
Stop thinking that a specific prayer for any given occasion is significant. That thinking is the same as someone "living better through chemistry," popping pills to service symptoms rather than tackling the bigger picture.
Don’t be forced to limit yourself. We humans tend to put the most annoying synthetic boundaries on ourselves. Property, morality, currency and worth are all foolishly tied down instead of allowed to just be.
Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter that is our bodies.
Let the light out. We don't have to live in darkness anymore.
Our entire existence is more than what we perceive. Some people go their whole lives not believing anything that doesn’t present itself before their own eyes. Life offers so much more than we can perceive. We are more than flesh and bone. Life is more than your job. It can be about love. Love for your spouse. Love for your kids. Love for your friends. Love is everywhere. It's all of us, if we let it.
You don't have to wait until Christmas to see that it's a wonderful life.
But you do have to wait for those Christmas tree cakes with the crunchies.
Mmmmmm. Crunchies.
Damn shame they're only available at Christmas time.
Anyways! How quickly I digress.
Perhaps it's my own selective vision, but I detect a tone from a lot of my friends (and non-friends who happen to be my proximate age). There seems to be numerous crises of faith in many lives. Actually, I know this goes on all the times in the lives of those I don't know exist, but what I mean to say is that i recognize a trend in the lives of those I do interact with in some way.
Many of my peers and friends are now beginning to hit the stride of adulthood. Needless to say, it's not what we envisioned. It also appears that to many, traditional religion just isn't cutting it for us anymore. The standards we likely had indoctrinated into us at an early age have just become... empty. Everywhere you look, religious groups are increasing just trying to hold the center together while the edges fray under the winds of change. They exclude more than they embrace. And for those of us who choose to grow alongside a dynamic society, religion has become a vestigial appendenge, like the monkey tail our ancestors shed millenia ago.
If you're from the Creationist camp, I probably just lost you right there. In fact, some of my remaining readers may be having reservations... if they're still reading. Take my hand and hear me out. Yes, these are my own musings, but perhaps there may be a tiny kernel that is rewarding in this rant of mine. Kinda like when you happen upon an unshelled sunflower seed in a bag of David's. Tiny things like that make my day. How bout you? Wha? No? Oh, okay then. Back to the task at hand.
Religion is not the answer.
Before you jump down my throat and call me a heathen unworthy of my new ordained reverend status, allow me to explain I do think religion has merit. I'm not one of those from the "opiate of the people" camp. I gave up my communist tendencies a while back, but long after I gave up my capitalist ones. (wink)
There is a bit of a paradox in being an agnostic minister, I know.
Don't confuse agnostic with atheist. That's a common mistake I made long ago also.
"Belief in spirits almost always includes a belief that the spiritual realm and the physical realm will, on occasion, interact with each other. Agnosticism is a faith system which actively seeks this interaction. A person who looks for evidence of the interaction is an agnostic; if the evidence is convincing, then presumably the agnostic would change belief system to whichever religion exposed the interaction between realms. If the evidence is not convincing, then the agnostic would remain agnostic. Note that an agnostic is not an atheist, but that an agnostic might convert to atheism in the same way that conversion to any other religion is possible: the agnostic would need to find convincing evidence supporting the adoption of that faith system."
Now where I differ is... while I seek bindings between all facets of life, I'm perfectly happy marking myself as "unaffiliated." I do believe in the miracle of God, but instead of looking up to pearly gates I look for the miracle inside each and every one of us. We all possess the potential for limitless love and hate. It's never a black and white world. But placing our lives and societies in the context of a black and white world is not only easier for most to comprehend, but it's an easier (i.e.- lazier) method of influencing others to see things from our own point of view.
That being said. I'd like to point out that Secularism is not the answer either.
Obviously. Exhibit A is everywhere from VH-1 to E! to CNN now.
But you see, life isn't limited into these two camps.
Seeing things in terms of two absolutes is the surest way to lose yourself. No one can ever exist entirely in one dominion or the other. Perhaps we need to seek truth between the two camps.
Everyone knows that the dots you see in the intersections are mind tricks. When you focus on one, the other dots get more pronounced. Is it possible for us to never see the dots? To only see the black and white with no illusion of an in between?
No. We are incapable of seeing just the absolutes. There is more to be perceived. More to view... more to accept... more too embrace. It may be undefined, but it's there if we believe it.
While that illusion helps to explain the fallacies of seeking defined limits, it also serve to illustrate that life exists in the spaces between black and white.
The path to salvation and fulfillment doesn't have to have a particular sign on it. You can be Christian, Muslim, Hebrew, Buddhist, Pagan, Sikh, Atheist, Confucianist, or anything that makes you comfortable. But don't mistake your path for the path of others. Your own religious label is the robe you may wear, but you will always be you underneath.
Maybe organized religion are the training wheels to help people begin to think and believe in things other than the self. I always felt that when “born-againers” and others of their ilk proclaim to have “found God,” they really are just discovering the rest of the world. Altruism can be life-changing, but we should always be more willing to think outside ourselves. And to stop placing trust in "quick-fixes" when we should be recognizing the strengths and potential within.
Every deploarbale action has an equally reprehensible behavior in the "opposing camp."
Stop thinking that a specific prayer for any given occasion is significant. That thinking is the same as someone "living better through chemistry," popping pills to service symptoms rather than tackling the bigger picture.
Don’t be forced to limit yourself. We humans tend to put the most annoying synthetic boundaries on ourselves. Property, morality, currency and worth are all foolishly tied down instead of allowed to just be.
Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter that is our bodies.
Let the light out. We don't have to live in darkness anymore.
Our entire existence is more than what we perceive. Some people go their whole lives not believing anything that doesn’t present itself before their own eyes. Life offers so much more than we can perceive. We are more than flesh and bone. Life is more than your job. It can be about love. Love for your spouse. Love for your kids. Love for your friends. Love is everywhere. It's all of us, if we let it.
You don't have to wait until Christmas to see that it's a wonderful life.
But you do have to wait for those Christmas tree cakes with the crunchies.
Mmmmmm. Crunchies.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time, Didn't I?
Firat blog entry here.
Well, I figure I'd jumpstart this thing by disclosing what like three other people know.
If you know me, you'll find that this news strains credulity, but I assure you it's true.
I have recently become a man of the cloth. That's right, I'm a minister.
Stop laughing now. Or I shall strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.
What a way to start off, huh?
Truth be told, this wasn't exactly my idea. I did an online ordination so that I can officiate at a wedding of two great friends later this summer in Los Angeles. Yes, California. Land of Disney, Hollywood, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tar Pits, Mulholland Drive, and Nakatomi Plaza. I must admit I'm becoming pretty goddamn excited. Sorry, lord... or is it Lord? Am I on a more familiar basis with the theorhetical big guy now? Is it like the "tu/usted" thing in Spanish? Am I on "tu" level with God because I'm one of the boys? Okay, so I'm not ordained to any particular religion. I'm not a card-carrying Catholic or anything. So I can't hook you Catholics up with those Jesus crackers. I don't think I can perform an exorcism. I'm pretty sure I can't bless tapwater and turn it into vampire repellent (although I'm gonna tell everyone I can). But hey, if you wanna send me some cashola Jim and Tammy Faye style, feel free.
I have no issue becoming a minister. After all, I've gone through an awful lot of change the past year. I have allowed love to grow in my heart in pastures where bitterness and cynicism had taken seed. I did my fair share of emotional weed-pulling lately, so I think I can be mature enough to accept this mantle. With a wink and a smile, of course. I'll still be me, but I've decided to become more "reverendy." I declare that I will:
-Always use a new plate at the salad bar.
-Stop downloading songs. (yeah right...)
-Stop logging into those fake profiles I set up on Match.com and eHarmony to F with people. Of course, now that I have a religious title, Dr. Warren may find me more acceptable. ha!
-Eventually see that Mel Gibson directed movie.
-Give myself a Jedi name. or a Sith one. (any suggestions?)
-Switch mostly to Coke Zero.
-Stop with the road rage... Maybe curtail the temper instead... Maybe just stop wishing death on cell phone talker/drivers.
-Alter people's lives when I respond to their sneezes.
-Stop mentally assassinating people in the general public that irk me at the movie theater or grocery store.
Don't worry, I'm sure my new title won't effect my own reservation in H-E-double hockey sticks.
But I'll try and be a "better man" (No relation to the Pearl Jam song).
Cus, I'm like, a Rev and stuff.
So...
May the Force be with you or something.
Well, I figure I'd jumpstart this thing by disclosing what like three other people know.
If you know me, you'll find that this news strains credulity, but I assure you it's true.
I have recently become a man of the cloth. That's right, I'm a minister.
Stop laughing now. Or I shall strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.
What a way to start off, huh?
Truth be told, this wasn't exactly my idea. I did an online ordination so that I can officiate at a wedding of two great friends later this summer in Los Angeles. Yes, California. Land of Disney, Hollywood, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tar Pits, Mulholland Drive, and Nakatomi Plaza. I must admit I'm becoming pretty goddamn excited. Sorry, lord... or is it Lord? Am I on a more familiar basis with the theorhetical big guy now? Is it like the "tu/usted" thing in Spanish? Am I on "tu" level with God because I'm one of the boys? Okay, so I'm not ordained to any particular religion. I'm not a card-carrying Catholic or anything. So I can't hook you Catholics up with those Jesus crackers. I don't think I can perform an exorcism. I'm pretty sure I can't bless tapwater and turn it into vampire repellent (although I'm gonna tell everyone I can). But hey, if you wanna send me some cashola Jim and Tammy Faye style, feel free.
I have no issue becoming a minister. After all, I've gone through an awful lot of change the past year. I have allowed love to grow in my heart in pastures where bitterness and cynicism had taken seed. I did my fair share of emotional weed-pulling lately, so I think I can be mature enough to accept this mantle. With a wink and a smile, of course. I'll still be me, but I've decided to become more "reverendy." I declare that I will:
-Always use a new plate at the salad bar.
-Stop downloading songs. (yeah right...)
-Stop logging into those fake profiles I set up on Match.com and eHarmony to F with people. Of course, now that I have a religious title, Dr. Warren may find me more acceptable. ha!
-Eventually see that Mel Gibson directed movie.
-Give myself a Jedi name. or a Sith one. (any suggestions?)
-Switch mostly to Coke Zero.
-Stop with the road rage... Maybe curtail the temper instead... Maybe just stop wishing death on cell phone talker/drivers.
-Alter people's lives when I respond to their sneezes.
-Stop mentally assassinating people in the general public that irk me at the movie theater or grocery store.
Don't worry, I'm sure my new title won't effect my own reservation in H-E-double hockey sticks.
But I'll try and be a "better man" (No relation to the Pearl Jam song).
Cus, I'm like, a Rev and stuff.
So...
May the Force be with you or something.
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