Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time, Didn't I?

Firat blog entry here.

Well, I figure I'd jumpstart this thing by disclosing what like three other people know.
If you know me, you'll find that this news strains credulity, but I assure you it's true.

I have recently become a man of the cloth. That's right, I'm a minister.

Stop laughing now. Or I shall strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.

What a way to start off, huh?
Truth be told, this wasn't exactly my idea. I did an online ordination so that I can officiate at a wedding of two great friends later this summer in Los Angeles. Yes, California. Land of Disney, Hollywood, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tar Pits, Mulholland Drive, and Nakatomi Plaza. I must admit I'm becoming pretty goddamn excited. Sorry, lord... or is it Lord? Am I on a more familiar basis with the theorhetical big guy now? Is it like the "tu/usted" thing in Spanish? Am I on "tu" level with God because I'm one of the boys? Okay, so I'm not ordained to any particular religion. I'm not a card-carrying Catholic or anything. So I can't hook you Catholics up with those Jesus crackers. I don't think I can perform an exorcism. I'm pretty sure I can't bless tapwater and turn it into vampire repellent (although I'm gonna tell everyone I can). But hey, if you wanna send me some cashola Jim and Tammy Faye style, feel free.

I have no issue becoming a minister. After all, I've gone through an awful lot of change the past year. I have allowed love to grow in my heart in pastures where bitterness and cynicism had taken seed. I did my fair share of emotional weed-pulling lately, so I think I can be mature enough to accept this mantle. With a wink and a smile, of course. I'll still be me, but I've decided to become more "reverendy." I declare that I will:

-Always use a new plate at the salad bar.
-Stop downloading songs. (yeah right...)
-Stop logging into those fake profiles I set up on Match.com and eHarmony to F with people. Of course, now that I have a religious title, Dr. Warren may find me more acceptable. ha!
-Eventually see that Mel Gibson directed movie.
-Give myself a Jedi name. or a Sith one. (any suggestions?)
-Switch mostly to Coke Zero.
-Stop with the road rage... Maybe curtail the temper instead... Maybe just stop wishing death on cell phone talker/drivers.
-Alter people's lives when I respond to their sneezes.
-Stop mentally assassinating people in the general public that irk me at the movie theater or grocery store.

Don't worry, I'm sure my new title won't effect my own reservation in H-E-double hockey sticks.
But I'll try and be a "better man" (No relation to the Pearl Jam song).

Cus, I'm like, a Rev and stuff.
So...
May the Force be with you or something.